Teacher Jokes
Teacher: Can anyone
tell me how many seconds there are in a year ?
Class: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!
Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what
have you got to say about that?
Class:: Thank heavens it's Friday !
Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you ?
Class: But you said not to answer you back !
Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions ?
Class: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here
!
Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age ?
Class: The sausage !
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn
the cow ?
Class: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !
Teacher: You new here aren't you, what's your name ?
Class: Fred Mickey Smith
Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then.
Class: My dad won't like that.
Teacher: Why is that ?
Class: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name !
Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to?
Class: Nobody I know !
Teacher: What is the climate of New Zealand like?
Class: Very cold, Sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Class: But, Sir, when they send us meat, it always arrives frozen.
Class: What's the difference between wages and a salary, sir?
Teacher: Well, if you get paid wages, you get paid every week, but if
you get paid a salary, you get paid every month. For example, I get a
salary and I'm paid every month.
Class: Really? Where do you work, sir?
Teacher: You're late! You should have been here at nine o'clock.
Class: Why, sir, what happened?
Teacher: If eggs were fifty pence a dozen, how many would you get for
thirty pence?
Class: None.
Teacher: None?
Class: If I had thirty pence I'd buy a bag of crisps.
Teacher: What is the opposite of misery?
Class: Happiness, Sir.
Teacher: Good. And what is the opposite of sadness?
Class: Gladness.
Teacher: Excellent. And what is the opposite of woe?
Class: Gee up.
Teacher: Alan, give me a sentence starting with `I'.
Class: I is
Teacher: No. You must always say `I am...'
Class: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet
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